Learnt To Love Him
by Rothery
Summary: She learnt to love him...
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Something I wrote a while back, I have published it elsewhere but I thought I may as well post it up here too **___

_**Disclaimer: I don't own them.**_

You're stood on the porch as I open the door. You stay hi and ask if you can come in but I just shake my head, because letting you in would only end like it did last time, with me in tears and you phoning up later to apologise but I wouldn't answer it, _Pete_ would.

You start to talk about how I should have waited, that you'd have come back for me, but eight years for me had been long enough, you had pushed it by telling me we could hold off a few more, I told you back then that maybe you could, but I had had enough of waiting for you, waiting on your every move, every decision you made for us.

But it was always what you wanted.

We left it in the room, for so long that when I opened it you slammed it shut in my face, only coming back to tell me how sorry your were, telling me you weren't ready, But when will you be ready? Are you ready now? Because _now_ is not a good time for me, it's too late for us _now,_ because I've moved on with my life.

You tell me about all the wonderful things we could've had, could still have, but I've already got great things, a great husband and a two month old daughter. Sometimes when I look at her, or look at my family, yeah, I wonder what could've been, and maybe sometimes I do wish you were her father. But we didn't and she's not.

I ask you to leave, because just your presence here could destroy everything I've worked for. '_You left me for DC Jack,_ _so I made a choice, and it was better than waiting. Did I tell you that I don't fake my orgasms when he fucks me, that he tells me he loves me everyday? Did you know I had a daughter? Do you even know her name?' _

_'No. But the fact that you have a daughter doesn't change anything.' _

'_Yes, Jack it does, because Pete's not you.'_

I'm shouting at you telling you, wanting more than anything for you to leave. But you won't go. You're over confident of yourself yet again, and it hurt's me that you think I'd give up everything for a quick fuck, and for you to say thanks and then leave. '_Nice seeing you again, Carter_' just like you did the night before my wedding. Never again!

I go to close the door in your face, but you put your hand in the way pushing it open, and you ask me what changed and so I tell you and I watch you leave, knowing that I'll never see you again, because after all these years I've learnt to love him: to love Pete.

'_Goodbye, Jack'_


	2. Always, rememeber

_**A/N: This is the second part to the story, rath4er than call it a sequel, I'm just gunna have it as chapter 2, enjoy :)**_

I don't know what brought me to your house, and I don't know why we waited either. I was wrong to have you wait, but how was I to know this would happen that, that you would marry Pete.

You weren't supposed to love him; you were supposed to love me!_ Always_ remember, just like I said.

I can hear you crying down the phone, I hate it when I make you cry, because that's how I know I've hurt you. I'm sorry. But I'm just glad, maybe even lucky that you picked up your cell. I hate being rejected by you. I love you. You loved me once too, or so I thought.

Maybe I should just go.

I'm just about to hang up, when I hear your voice calling me not too, and you're telling me that it's you who's sorry, that you should have been more patient, but I know you're doing it to make me feel better, you're good at that.

'_I wish you wouldn't lie to me!'_ I hear myself shout, and I hear you cry harder down the receiver.

'_I'm not Jack, I would never lie to you, but how long did you expect me to wait?'_

'_Long enough for me to sort things out'_

'_What things Jack? There were no things to sort out?'_

'_The night of your wedding Sam, you remember that? I thought you were smart enough to realise that everything was okay, that things were sorted for us, my resignation from the air force, and a fixed position at the SGC as an airman, I would never have slept with you otherwise.'_

'_You wouldn't have slept with me otherwise! What's that supposed to mean? What did you expect me to do, Jack? You never told me, and you ignored me for weeks afterwards…'_

'_I expected you to love me Sam, that's all I've ever wanted from you.'_

'…_it was the first time I ever hated you Jack. You hurt me then and you're hurting me now. You're such a bastard!'_

I can still hear you crying down the phone, so I say I love you one more time hoping that you'd say it back, but you don't. I say goodbye to you for the very last time, I promise I won't bother you again. Then I hang up the phone, and grab the scotch that's sat on the kitchen counter, I drink it straight from the bottle, the liquid burning my throat as I swallow. But I don't care, not anymore…

I grab my car keys, after what seems like hours later, and open the front door wide, my anger and frustration almost pulling it off the hinges.

My eyes widen as I find you stood on my door step, your daughter in your arms, and bags beside you feet.

'_Sam?'_ You look at me with tears in your eyes, and I find myself holding you into my arms.

'_It's Pete,'_ you manage to spit out minutes later, _'he's…he's…oh God!'_

You cry harder into my chest, and I hold you tighter, not ever wanting to let you go.

'_He's what Sam?' _

'_I've been so stupid Jack, I should've caught on sooner, the secret phone calls, how he works late…how he comes home smelling like…like someone else! And he accused me of having an affair.'_

You calm down after while, and you apologise for bothering me. I tell you that you can bother me anytime.

'_Because you love me; right?' _

'_You know I do, Sam, more than I've loved anyone.'_

'_Yeah, I know,' _you take a deep breath, so I don't say anything, knowing that you're going to continue, '_you were right,_ _I should've waited.'_

I shake me head _'No, you were smart not to.' _and I'm just starting to understand why you didn't wait, ten years is along time, and you keep on telling me how much you wanted kids before you ran out of time.

'_Did you mean what you said about loving him?' _

'_I don't know, maybe,' _you pause for the longest moment, but I don't care, it just means I get to hold you longer, _'no,'_ tears start to fall down your cheeks, _'I've been lying to myself for so long, it's become a habit, and lying to myself about loving him it's almost believable.'_

'_Why did you come here Sam?'_

'_Isn't it obvious?'_

Your daughter starts squirming on you hip, and so I let go of you, feeling your warmth leave my cold shell.

I tell you to go inside, and I pick up your bags and put them in the hall. You don't question me about the half empty whisky bottle on the kitchen counter, and am glad you didn't, otherwise I would've told you how I was planning on driving drunk.

But what's the point to life to loose a son and then go and loose you? But as long as you're here, none of that matters.

Your daughter wakes up, and her eyes peer into mine. Her eyes are the darkest brown; it's almost like looking into my own.

It hits me then and my eyes meet your blue ones.

'_I should've told you, I'm sorry.'_

'_She's mine?' _

You nod, you tell me how you've been married for eleven months now, I should have guessed sooner, I still wonder why you didn't tell me, but I already know why, you were protecting Pete.

'_I should've told you, Jack, but I was scared…I didn't want to loose what I already had.'_

I nod trying to understand where you're coming from, but I find it hard.

'_I do love you Jack, I always have.'_

_Then stay.'_ I'm not going to beg, you came to me this time; it's your choice.

'_And make a life for ourselves; don't you think we're screwed up enough as it is?' _

'_We could try.'_

We could always try…

FIN.


End file.
